Sunday, September 13, 2009

3 Months

Oh my Kali! Today is 3 months since we lost you. It is unbelievable that time is moving when I feel so frozen. Today also marks mommy and daddy's 1 year wedding anniversary and the beginning of our journey with you. You are our honeymoon baby. You were due exactly 9 months and 1 week after we got married. You made such an early arrival and left us on our 9 month anniversary. You certainly made sure that we would never forget you, forgetting you is impossible! You were such a precious and sweet baby. You mean so much to us.
I have been trying so hard to carry on for you. To live my life for you and not die with you. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Most days I wish I could stay in bed, but it's just not possible! Your daddy, big brother, and big sister need me to get up.
I went back to work this week. That was so hard. Right after I found out I was pregnant I figured out when you were due, when I would take off for maternity leave, and when I would go back. This was the same week I would have returned to work from maternity leave. It is crushing.
Mommy has been very mad recently. Mad at lots of things because you can't be here with us. It is far from fair. A friend of mommy's said I probably feel cheated and she couldn't be more right. I feel VERY cheated. I feel that daddy was cheated. I feel that Darrin and Marissa were cheated. And most of all, I feel that you were cheated.
I love you my Kali, our little love bug! I miss you sooo much!