9 months

As I sat here looking at your pictures (and some videos) trying to decide which one to put on this month's post, I couldn't help but cry, smile, laugh, and cry some more. You were an amazing little girlie! Looking at each one I could remember the days we spent there with you. I could remember the machines beeping, the phone call we had to make asking to come back to see you, the other babies crying.....never knowing that this would be our outcome.
We so badly wanted you to come home. We wanted you to be surrounded by all of us and feel all the love our huge family can bring. You have so many aunts, uncles, cousins, and little friends, in addition to us, your big brother and sister, and your grandparents. The love each of us has for you runs deep, it always will.
I know it is coming, but I cannot believe that your birthday is only a month away! It seems like yesterday that I was in the hospital on bedrest and giving birth to you. It seems like only yesterday that I held your little hand and touched your little toes....I wish it was only yesterday and I wish I could still do it today.
I never thought that the party I would be planning for your first birthday would be in your memory and not with you physically here. It is going to be a tough day. But, in case you didn't notice, your mommy is very stubborn and determined in making things happen. I will get through that day, missing you greatly, as I do everyday, but at the same time I feel I will be at peace with the outcome of your big event.
You are a special girl little love bug. You have touched a lot of hearts. You have meant, and do mean, a lot of things to a lot of people.
I love you baby girl! Please smile down on us when you get the chance!