We lost our Kali today. She was doing so well last night and this morning. We had left the hospital around 9:30 this morning after spending all night there. We came home to shower and spend time with the other kids. Around 1:30 or so I felt that we really needed to get there. When we got there she had taken a turn for the worse and coded again. I knew yesterday that if it happened again that she wouldn't make it.
Things were just getting worse and worse. We didn't want to tell them to stop but we knew that they probably should. I held her hand the whole time and told her how much I loved her. The doctor came over to the side of the bed we were on and said that they had done all they could do and if she were to survive she probably wouldn't have any brain function because her oxygen was so low for so long. We asked them to stop. They took out her breathing tube and put her in my arms. She died peacefully in my arms with Mike right there with me.
The heartbreak of this of course is still fresh but it is comforting in a way to know that she died on her terms and not on someone elses time line.
Kali is our angel and it is no question that she will forever be loved, not only by us but by people who supported us, some of who I never met in real life. She was a special special girl. She was with us on Earth for 64 days and 13 hours and we are blessed that we had that amount of time to show her our unconditional love.
Kali Alexa Deitzler 4/10/2009 - 6/13/2009 Forever in our hearts, our own personal angel.
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My deepest, deepest sympathies, Tracey and family.
ReplyDeleteTracey, you and Mike and the kids are in my prayers, and of course sweet Kali. My deepest sympathies for you and your family. She will always be with you, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteTheresa P.
I am so, so very sorry for you loss.
ReplyDeleteHeather
My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteWe love you all so much.
- Adrienne
I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteYou were an extraordinary mother to her in her short time on Earth. She was a beautiful angel. I'm so unbelievably sorry for your loss. - AmyLu
ReplyDeleteI can not express my deepest sympathy to you and your family. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you all.
ReplyDelete- Shirley
Tracey and Family
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this very tough time. We all know
the little Angel is in God's hands. Its comforting to know how much she is Loved. Kali is the Littlest Angel who will shine down on all of us.
I'm so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
ReplyDeleteTracey,
ReplyDeleteMy deepest sympathies to you and your family. You, Mike, Darrin and Marissa will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love,
Jenn
Tracey - you and your family have my deepest sympathies and heart is heavy for your loss. I am so, so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm a friend of Teddy and I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been following along for weeks and the news seemed hopeful so I was paralyzingly sad when I heard the terrible news yesterday. My heart and soul goes out to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteTracey I am so very sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies with you and your family! Kali will greatly be missed!
ReplyDelete-Nicki
Tracey - you don't know me, but I couldn't read without leaving a note. After seeing your post on BBC I came and read every word of your sweet Kali's blog. As her mom, you were able to capture the frustrations, joy, and hope of every NICU parent and every parent of a child with a birth defect. During her short time here, she became such an inspiration! How blessed were you to have her! And her to have you!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful baby girl, my heart will be with you through this trying time. Love and prayers.
Tracey,
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for your loss. During Kali's short time, she touched many lives including my own.
Sending you much love and strength,
Jillian
Tracey,
ReplyDeleteYou,Mike,Darrin and Marissa as well as your whole family are in our hearts and prayers. You were given the most highest honor as a mother and that is having such a beautiful and special angel to love and nuture if only for a short time, God must of needed her more and knew that the love you and your family has shown her will be valuable in her next adventure as a beautiful angel.
I wish I could lessen your pain and sorrow but I am honored to know Kali as a strong and beautiful angel that has shown us all that such a small person can bring so many people together.
Fly home angel you will always be remembered and loved
My fiancee, Chris and I are friends of Teddy's and we've been following all that you've been going through with Kali. We have kept her and your family in our hearts throughout this and are so very very sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Lisa
My heart goes out to you Tracey, Mike, Darrin, and Marissa. I was deeply saddened to hear the news about Kali. When I heard she wasn't doing so hot, I started praying harder than I have before. My parents also send their deepest sympathy for you all. One day you all we be reunited with Kali.
ReplyDeleteTracey,Mike,Darrin,Marissa- all my love. I am so very sorry to hear about beautiful Kali.No parent should ever have to go down this road and I know nothing can be sid or done to make things better. My thoughts and prayers are with you all and I wish you all the strenghth God can give. Love,
ReplyDeleteJenn F.
My deepest sympathy for your loss. My son was in the NICU at CHOP for 2 weeks 10 years ago. He has numerous cognitive and developmetal issues today but I am happy to have him here with me. I wish that you would have been able to keep Kali here on earth with you but know that you will be reunited one day in heaven. You will be in my prayers...LM
ReplyDeleteTracey,
ReplyDeleteYou and the kids and Michael will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight and always. My deepest sympathies to you and all who were touched by Kali's short but beautiful life. I spent the last 2 hours cathcing up on what had been going on and I just want to tell you that you are an amazing mother and that Kali will always be with you. I hope that soon you can find peace and joy again. I love you, and I miss you.
Rachel R.
and
Adriana
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteKristin
Know that my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. Your writings tell what a wonderful person you are and I don't even know you. God will be with you every step of the way. Put it in his hands and let him carry you. God Bless....
ReplyDelete