A Letter to My Girl

Kali, my love bug,
Mommy misses you more than any words could ever explain. The pain that I feel each day is the worst pain imaginable. I don't even think my heart is broken, it is shattered. You meant so much to me, to us. I just don't understand why....why did you have to be born so early? Why did you have to be born with so much wrong? And why, WHY did you have to die??
You were such a strong tough little girl. You inspired so many as you overcame such huge hurdles. You surprised many doctors and nurses with how well you did. No one expected that day to come. No one expected that we would ever have to say goodbye.
It is so unfair that you climbed every mountain that was laid in front of you and you were still taken away. With you went all the hopes and dreams that I had for you, my baby girl. I hoped so much that you would be ok. I prayed so hard. I sat next to you everyday and watched you sleep, smile, and just be cute. I looked forward to the days where you would be driving me crazy just like your brother and sister.
Losing you was so unfair. If I could have fixed you I would have done it in a second. If I could have taken your place, I would have in a heartbeat.
It is so unfair how much you missed. You never met your older sister. You didn't get to meet a lot of those who cared and loved you so much. You missed feeling the warm sun on your skin or a warm summer breeze. You missed feeling rain on your skin and you missed seeing snow for the first time.
I wanted so much for you and I am so mad that all this hope is gone. I wish so badly for you to be with us again. I know it's selfish to want you back when you went through so much but I love you and need you here with me, here where you truly belong.
The pain from losing you gets worse as the days go on. Everything reminds me that I will never get to hold you again. I will never get to call and check on how you're doing. I'll never get to rock you and sing to you.
You touched my life in a way that no one has ever done before. You made my life even more blessed than it already was. I don't know why you had to go so soon. I wish I knew. I wish I knew that if I had made different choices if you would still be here with us fighting and getting better. I wish I could go back in time and change things.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect you and I am so so sorry that I couldn't make you better.
I love you baby girl. You will always, always, be in my heart and on my mind.

I am sure that you are the brightest star in the sky and looking and down on me every day.

Love always and FOREVER, Mommy